"I'm still the baby"

I came across the scene to the right just a few minutes ago. I went into the baby's room and turned on the light to find some more hangers in the closet. To my surprise, Autum was sitting comfortably in the car seat stroller. Is she trying to tell me something? I have been telling her the last few months that she isn't the baby anymore. I have a strong feeling there is going to be some jealousy issues.

I keep going back and forth on whether or not to keep Autum. I had my mind set many months ago that I needed to get rid of her. It is becoming harder and harder now to giver her up. However, I am afraid she will get on top of the baby and suffocate it. I worry about this because she sleeps on my head almost every night, but I am able to move my head. A baby can't. Aah! What do I do? Does anybody want a cat?

My weekend

Friday night Dust and I watched the movie Elizabethtown. I enjoyed the story. And also the actors: Orlando Bloom, Kirsten Dunst, Susan Sarandon. Dust usually watches one of his movies after we have watched an "us" movie. I went to bed and he watched Doom.

Saturday Dust did some touch-up painting on the baby's room. I was very anxious to get the wallpaper border on. I decided to hang it on the middle of the wall. We have never put up wallpaper before, so it was a new experience for both of us. It was prepasted which made it easier. Dust has a very good eye for lining things up straight. We marked on the walls with a pencil on where we wanted it. I let him guide and position the paper while I helped hold it up. I am very pleased with the outcome. We watched yet another movie Saturday night. Shanghai Noon with Owen Wilson, Jackie Chang, and Lucy Lui. I liked it more than I thought I would. I tend to like some western movies because I was predisposed to them by my father.

Sunday morning we went to two Sunday School classes instead of going to the main worship service. The parenting class was interesting even though we haven't experienced parenting yet.

Sounds like an uneventful weekend. At least we accomplished getting the painting/wallpaper done. And watched some movies.

the "new" smell

The company I work for moved into its new office suite last week. When you walk in the door, you can smell the "new" smell. The space was newly renovated and all furniture and appliances are new. I have a new chest of drawers for hanging file folders and a new desk. I also have a 15 inch flat screen monitor and a Dell computer. There are new black leather chairs in the waiting area and also the conference room. The kitchen has a new black dishwasher and fridge. Black is the common theme throughout the office.

It has been fun putting new office supplies in the new furniture. I filled my desk drawer with pens, notepads, white-out, highlighters, paperclips and etc. It was also fun organizing what files go in what drawers. The fridge was filled with pop and water. There are actual dishes in the kitchen cabinets that we can use.

I think I have learned how to use all the new gadgets. Most office phone systems are similar. The copier looks like any other copier that I have used. The Pitney Bowes postage meter was real simple to use.

Today we had Quickbooks 2006 installed in our computers. Now I have new software to learn. It operates the same as the older version, but has more cool features. Also, I can now fax from my computer without having to get out of my seat! I am definitely getting spoiled.

"The Benchwarmer"

I saw previews last night for the new movie "The Benchwarmer." Dust said to come to the tv because I would probably like this movie because Jon Heder from Napoleon Dynamite is in it. I did like what I saw.

I then told Dust that I was a benchwarmer also. I played on a softball team in sixth grade. It was extremely embarrassing because I was consistently the benchwarmer alongside with the girl from special ed. The special ed girl, Paula, always made me play catch with her before the game. She threw really weird and I always had trouble catching the ball. That made me look even worse as a player. She was left handed which maybe contributed to my problem in catching the ball.

There was one game that I actually got to play in because a lot of girls were absent. I covered third base. To everyone's surprise, I actually caught a fly ball hit to me which gave the other team an out! I did ok covering third base also. I hope the coach felt bad about leaving me on the bench all season.

"Silly Old Bluebirds"

I struggled a bit on what color to paint the baby's room. I was going back in forth between "Bibbidi Bobbodi Blue," "Blustery Day" and "Silly Old Bluebirds." These were the names of the Disney brand paint colors to describe a sky/periwinkle blue. Dust was a bit sarcastic about the names. I settled on "Silly Old Bluebirds" and I am glad that I did. It looks like it will go well with the wallpaper border I bought.

Dust and I were a great team in painting the room. I did some of the rolling with the bigger paint rollers and Dust came behind me with a brush and did the borders. My sinuses were so bad that I couldn't really smell the paint. We opened the window and had the ceiling fans going for air circulation. I was a little nervous about painting because people have mixed opinions on whether you should paint when you are pregnant. The mothers that I talked to had painted their babies' rooms when they were pregnant.

It didn't take us long to get the room painted. I think we officially started painting at 11 am on Saturday and Dust finished around 3:45 pm. We still have to put the wallpaper border on. I thought we should give the room time to dry out before we did that.

A-choo!

Dust told me this morning that I sneeze pretty loud. It is not a normal sneeze. It is a big production of AAA-choooo! I admit that I did put a bit of drama into it. It feels a lot better to do that than to try to hold it in. I have been battling a cold since last Saturday. Yesterday it felt like it turned into really bad allergies. I have been so miserable I can hardly stand it. I feel like I need to whine and complain about it. : ) I told Dust that I wanted to stay in my bad mood. He sorta told me to take my bad mood to another room.

You might be a redneck...

My mom and I were looking through some old pictures about a month ago. I came across one that really cracked me up. It was a picture of my Dad's birthday party. I was about 3 1/2 and my brother was about 1 1/2 years old. All three of us are sitting around the kitchen table with no shirts on. My mom was the one that took the picture. It probably was a hot day that September. Dad was holding up his homemade birthday cake. The picture looked so white trash to me. We were poor but happy.

If you sit around the kitchen table without a shirt on at a birthday party......you might be a redneck.

Anger management

Have you ever wanted to yell, "I quit," to your boss? I think most people have that fantasy at least once in their life. I know I scared Dust when I told him that's what I wanted to yell at my former boss and supervisor. It also scared him when I would say that I could really chew somebody out right now.

I have a tendency to bottle up anger inside of me. Sooner or later it all comes out at once. When I get angry, I prepare what I am going to say ahead of time. Sometimes that helps me to calm down. Today, I was angry and had my angry speech all prepared. If my boss happened to mention something again, I was going to tell him how I felt. He didn't bring it up and I didn't either.

I made a stupid decision today at work. When I realized how stupid it was, I immediately called my boss. He always wants me to call him on his cell if anything important happens. I told him what I did, explained that I wasn't thinking clearly, and apologized. He was really angry, which I could see why. What made me mad was that he didn't really accept my apology. If someone admits a mistake to me and apologizes, I would say I accept your apology or that's ok, I understand. He probably thinks I am a complete idiot. It's just the pregnancy hormones because I haven't been able to think clearly at all lately.

Accents

I like listening to people who talk with an accent. I get a real kick out of the southern accent. There are two contestants on American Idol that talk with a deep southern accent. I believe they are from Kentucky or Tennessee. Kelly Pickler couldn't pronounce calamari and had never eaten it before. Bucky wanted his sweet tea. He said he didn't understand the menus in Hollywood. The only things he recognizes on the menu is vegetables and rice. They call their mashed potatoes "smashed potatoes". Crack me up!

I heard so many different accents in college. E.U. had students from all over the U.S. What surprised me the most was when people said that I had an accent. I realized that I have a tendency to hold out vowel sounds in words. Dust laughs when I say the word cement. Think of how the "Beverly Hillbillies" pronounce their "cement pond" in the backyard. That is how I say it.

I have some relatives that live in Michigan and I always enjoy talking with them on the phone. They do not hold out the vowel sounds at all. My grandfather who is still living resides in Michigan. He likes to go fishing a lot. I crack up when he pronounces the type of fish called croppie. He says crappie. It makes me laugh because he is a minister and some people consider the word crap as a cuss word.

another one bites the dust (not referring to my hubby)

I tried to put on a pair of pants yesterday only to find out that I can't zip them anymore. In some ways that is exciting because that means the baby is getting bigger inside of me. The not so exciting part is that is one more pair of pants that I can't wear anymore. Not to brag, but I don't ever remember not being able to fit in a pair of pants. I must have had that experience as a child or teenager, but I don't remember it. I remember having pants that were too short for me. I know that's hard to believe that I would have outgrown the length. I don't remember not being able to zip up a pair of pants anymore. It is an interesting change.

I always liked having new clothes each school year growing up. I must have gotten rid of the clothes before I outgrew them. Looking back at that it seems a bit shallow. If there was an outfit that I had worn the year before, I usually didn't wear it that often. Now, I can't afford to have a new wardrobe each year.

I have started separating my closet into clothes I can and cannot wear anymore. I know I shouldn't get rid of the clothes I can't wear. I will probably fit back into them by the end of the year.

another year older

My parents came up to visit for my birthday this weekend. We took them to Nebraska Furniture Mart since they had never been. My mom was looking for a blue foot stool and a western type picture. It had been awhile since I had been there. We also went to Cabela's. My Dad enjoyed the tent sale of 75% clearance. He bought some coverralls.

For supper we went to George Brett's on the Plaza. We walked around and went into some stores before we ate. I had a KC strip sandwhich that was really good. I had a birthday cake and cookie at home that we had for dessert. I received some nice presents--pajamas, necklaces, a shrug, maternity tee shirt, baby photo album, and DVD's. The best present was being able to spend time with my family. It really meant a lot to me.

My parents left Sunday morning to go back home. They had to get prepared for preaching and doing the song service for the retirement home that night. We ate at Planet Sub with some friends after church. I wanted to get my free sub for my birthday!

I teased Dust this morning about having a wife that is almost two years his senior. This is the time of year that I feel old and it lasts until Dust's birthday.

liar, liar, pants on fire!

It is true that if you tell a lie and don't confess, then you have to keep telling more lies to cover up the first lie. I have always been embarrassed about how small I am. Everybody always used to make a big deal about it. If someone found out how much I weighed, I would never hear the end of it. So, I started lying about my weight around 6th grade. Sometimes I would add about ten pounds.

The weight issue came up when I got my first driver's license at age 16. The license bureau just takes your word for how much that you weigh. They don't put you on a scale. I lied about my weight on my driver's license by about 5 pounds. Three years later when my license came due, I had to lie again to cover up from the previous lie. I wish I could say that the lying has ended but it hasn't. Two weeks ago, I went to get my driver's license renewed again. The man at the license bureau asked me, "Are you still 102 pounds?" I thought to myself, "I am not that now." He isn't going to believe that I haven't gained a pound in six years. So, I added a few pounds and told him that I was 105. I figure that I will be that weight soon enough and who knows, I might not be able to loose the baby weight that I get.

new office suite and new hire

The company that I work for shares office space with an accounting firm. My boss thought it was time that we get our own office suite. Right now we share a receptionist with the accounting firm. When we get our own suite, we will have to hire our own receptionist. Also, when I take a maternity leave someone will have to do my job.

We were lucky enough to find some space for rent in the building that we currently work. My boss loves the deli on the first floor and he doesn't want to leave it. We are renting a suite on the 6th floor and it is getting renovated as we speak. I will have my very own office! I have never had that before. We will probably move in at the beginning of April.

My boss hired a lady to be our receptionist and to learn my job. She has worked with us two days so far and she is quite interesting. One of the first questions she asked me was: "Was your pregnancy planned or an accident?" I was shocked because I would never even ask my good friends that question! I told her planned. She likes to chat a lot and is very outgoing. She is the exact opposite of me, but I think we can work together fine. I am going to enjoy how my boss reacts to her in the future. He is obsessive compulsive and anal about how things are done. When she was helping me put checks into envelopes, she was making a stack of them on the floor. I looked at my boss and could tell that he was cringing inside. She was also just tossing the check stubs on his desk, and he likes them lined up in corresponding order. I think they might clash. I did give her the heads up on his OCD once he had left for the day.

It's a Boy!!!

Dust and I are having a baby boy!! I kinda knew it was a boy and told people early on that that's what I thought. We got 14 ultrasound pictures of the baby!! There is one that has an arrow that is pointing to it's private parts. The lady performing the ultrasound hasn't been wrong about the sex of the baby for 11 years. I think we can be confidant that it is a boy. We spent about 30 minutes in the ultrasound room looking at the baby from all different views. It is one active child!! It moved positions about 3-4 times during that 30 minutes. Dust and I might have a handful with an active boy on our hands!

Stay tuned....

Dust and I are supposed to find out if we are having a boy or a girl on Tuesday, February 14th at 2:30 pm. It is Valentine's Day, so I know that you all will have better things to do than check the blogs. Hopefully, I will have time before 5 pm to post the results. I can't wait!!!

outward appearances

We had a card in our door from KC Florist.com when we got back late Tuesday night from my grandfather's funeral. The card said that they delivered our flowers to a neighbor's house because we were not home. What kind of a crazy deal is that? Someone could have a dishonest neighbor and say that they didn't receive any flowers.

When I left for work on Wednesday, I drove slow to find the address that they delivered our flowers to. It was two houses down from us. I cringed when I saw what house it was because I am scared of those neighbors. The man has a shaved bald head, earrings, tattoos and usually has a mean look on his face. The woman is a chain smoker in her garage and is constantly on her cell phone. She always has a mean look on her face and always goes inside her house when I drive by.

When I got home from work, I debated on whether or not I should go over to their house. I could hear my mother's voice in my head. "Do not go to a stranger's house alone without Dust. It's too dangerous." Dust doesn't come home after work on Wednesdays because he has a class. I called Dust and asked him what I should do. We decided that we would wait until Thursday so he could go with me.

I was sitting in the recliner watching "Lost" on Wednesday night when the doorbell rang. I still had my work clothes on, but was wearing a robe over them because I was cold. For some reason I knew that I shouldn't change into my pajamas that night. I got scared and ran to a window. I couldn't see a car. I knew the person could hear the tv. My mommy always told me not to open the door to strangers, especially at night. I decided to look through the door window and ask, "Can I help you?" I saw my scary neighbor holding a vase of flowers. I opened the door and told him I appreciated him bringing them over. He didn't sound scary at all. He seemed rather nice. I guess I shouldn't judge people on the outward appearance.

thoughts

I have a lot of thoughts about these last couple of days regarding my grandfather's funeral. I don't want to bore anyone with the details. I also don't want to air all the dirty laundry for all of blogland to see. Here are some random thoughts in bullet form.

• Don't waste years holding anger inside of you. Forgive and forget. It is easier said than done. : ) Reconcile relationships with family.
• Seize the day! Do whatever it is that you have always wanted to do.
• Don't do things under obligation. Get out of things that you don't want to be in.
• Tell your loved ones that you love them.
• There really needs to be a funeral director that directs "traffic" at the coffin at the viewing. There has to be a better system. Maybe the family shouldn't stand at the coffin to greet people. They should stand at the doorway.
• A funeral home employee was at the gravesite after the funeral to catch people that had not signed the guestbook the night before. There was no one else around and I asked her if relatives could sign the book now. I didn't get a chance to sign it the night before. She told me that I could sign it later once we got the book back. How rude! I couldn't believe that she wouldn't let me sign it. Not even ten minutes later, my mother hollars for me to come and sign the book. My father was signing it and he handed it to me. I signed it and handed it back to the lady. I bet she felt stupid.

grief and selfishness

My nerves have been really bad today. I can't seem to calm down. I received a phone call this morning from my mom and she had bad news. My grandfather died this morning. He collapsed in the bathroom and paramedics couldn't revive him. He had been battling cancer off and on for the last few years. The cancer began in his prostate. He underwent treatments and was fine for almost two years. Last November he had radiation treatments for cancer cells in a different part of his body. About a month ago, the doctors found a cancerous tumor on his spine. My grandfather had recently finished radiation treatments for that tumor. In some ways his death was a surprise and in some ways it wasn't.

I was also feeling really selfish today when I found out that his funeral is Tuesday at 2 pm. I had been looking forward for Tuesday at 2 pm because that was my scheduled sonogram to find out the sex of my baby. I have been counting down the days for that moment for the last two/three weeks. I can't miss my grandfather's funeral to go to my most anticipated doctor's appointment. I will be calling the doctor's office early Monday morning to reschedule.

Dust and I are leaving tomorrow (Sunday) after morning church to go be with my family. Dust and I are also taking off two days of work. My grandfather's viewing/visitation is on Monday and the funeral is Tuesday.

lame articles

I know Dust has blogged about ads on the back of cereal boxes before but I can't resist this one. The cereal was a HyVee brand Crispix. There were different articles encouraging kids to go to the library and read books. One headline read: "Hang out at the Library!" "Consider the library the next time you are looking for a place to hang out." What teenager is going to want to hang out at the library? You can't talk above a whisper there. The box shows a picture of two teenage girls leaning against a shelf of books "hanging out." Is that the best that they can do to get kids/teenagers to go to the library? If they want kids to go the library they should make it more relevant. They have the wrong marketing strategy here. Any teenager is going to read that and say "yeah, right." (sarcasm)

On the positive side, an article on the box informed kids that they can check out DVD's and videos at the library. And it suggested that you should join an online book club that some libraries offer. The chapters of the book will be emailed to you.

On a different note, there was a lame saying on the flap of my raisin box. "When you shine, people around you glow." Talk about cheesy.

baby stuff

I was looking through the ads in the paper. A lot of stores are having good sales on baby items. I read a description of a child car booster seat: For children 30-100 pounds. I laughed when I saw that because I am slightly under 100 pounds. I won't be for long, but maybe I need to be buckled in a booster seat. It would definitely help me see better out of the window. : )

Dust and I went to Babies R Us on Saturday. They have a bigger selection of every baby product than most stores. We were mainly looking at cribs. There were regular wood color ones, white ones, black ones, and dark wood ones. I think I like the white ones the best. I want a crib that can turn into a toddler bed. I also want to get a changing table. I liked the ones with rails the best so the baby won't fall off.

I had looked at some of the crib bedding at Babies R Us, but decided to go online also. They had the bedding collections organized in themes. Characters, florals, plaids, cars & trains. If we have a girl, I liked the "Hello Kitty" themed bedroom the best. If we have a boy, I liked the Locomotion themed bedroom the best. Dust has a toy box in the shape of a train and that would work perfectly. I loved "Hello Kitty" when I was a girl, and if I have a daughter she will definitely be exposed to an appreciation for cats.