my faith

I have been thinking about how my faith appears to other people. Do I come across as a genuine person living a consistent christian life? I hope so. Am I letting God use me when He needs me? Or do I rationalize not doing something or saying something for Christ because of fear?

I was listening to Greg Long's song, "Fifteen" yesterday and it made me cry. Usually I just think these type of songs are cheesy sounding. "If it takes fifteen times to hear about Jesus, for someone to believe. I may be the 3rd, I may be the7th, there may be years inbetween. What if I'm fifteen?" I think there were times that I may have been and I didn't come through. I then started thinking, why would God keep me around if I'm not doing anything for Him? I am just taking up space.

I really want to be useful. I think I have been lazy lately. I want to be different.

balance

I received some good advice from an old friend yesterday. I realized that I needed more of a balance in my life in regards to taking care of myself. I told this friend that I was exhausted. She couldn't understand why. She said, "You're not one of those moms that won't put their baby down in the play pen and will sometimes skip showers." Yeah, I was. I hadn't been taking a break for myself. I felt sad about going to work and not having time with NJ. So, when we were together, I crawled around with him and was with him all the time. Just this week, I started putting NJ in the playpen in front of the tv while I was getting things ready in the morning. My mornings have been less stressful. Before, I was sitting on the floor blow drying my hair with NJ right there beside me.

I took some time out for myself yesterday. I got finished with my work, so I left early. I went to get a haircut! I can't remember the last time I took time to get my hair cut. That's why it grew out! I also went to use some of the gift cards I got for X-mas! I went to Kohl's and bought an outfit. I am feeling really good about myself. And not so guilty about letting NJ watch tv so I can take care of the house and myself!

battle of the wills

We knew when NJ was just a month old that he had a strong will. He would fight to get free from our grip. NJ is fighting again in regards to taking his pedialyte. NJ has been suffering from vomiting and diahrrea since Tuesday. The doctor said that I should give him 2 to 4 ounces of pedialyte every time he has diahrrea.

NJ refuses to drink the pedialyte from the bottle. He knows that his formula comes from the bottle and if it isn't in there, he pitches a fit. He cries so hard that I have to stop to calm him down. I tried giving it with a spoon and he turned his head each time and closed his mouth. I have tried different types of spoons, cups and bottles. I was bound and determined to get that pedialyte down him. I turned on our baby einstein video to distract him. As he was mesmerized by the show, I slipped in 4 oz. of pedialyte by spoon! I won this round, NJ.