I have been reading the book "for women only" by Shaunti Feldhahn. On the cover it says, "what you need to know about the inner lives of men." Our home group hosts gave a copy of the book to every woman. Dust has been intrigued to see what a woman author knows about men. The author surveyed and interviewed all types of men.
I knew that men needed to be respected, but I didn't realize it was that important. 74% of men surveyed would rather be alone and unloved than inadequate and disrespected when forced to choose between the two. I would much definately want to be loved! One man surveyed said that at a minimum, he wants his wife to be supportive of him in public. Men complained about how painful it was to be criticized by their wife in public. Dust told me that there are some teasing that he doesn't mind. He doesn't want me to stop joking around with him.
When wives ask their husbands if they have done a certain task around the house, husbands hear, "I don't trust you." It is no wonder men hate being nagged. Procrastinating on a home task can be a sign that he's about to emotionally or physically crash. We (women) assume that he's choosing not to help.
I found it interesting that most men feel like imposters. They think they are just one mess up from being found out that they really don't know what they are doing. This is in regards to their jobs and being a husband or father. I guess most men aren't as confident as they appear to be. Affirmation is everything to a man. They need to feel appreciated.
Just some tidbits that I thought I would pass along. This is a really good book.
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8 comments:
I have always felt love and respect go hand in hand. It's hard for me to love someone I don't respect. But I fear that I am guilty of not being able to show love and respect equally.
I try really hard to achieve this, because if you can't respect me, and relay that respect I know I can't feel the love from you as easily. So I guess in that way I can relate to this statement, even as a woman.
T asked me about the procrastinating this and if it was true for me .... I think:
some guys are just procrastinators.....not getting the laundry done or taking out the trash is just not getting it done (nothing else).
Not getting something done like looking for a new job, or making phone calls about something or figuring out what's wrong with the car / insurance program are more likely to be areas that are seen as potential failure .. therefore avoided.
I realize this is bad logic - but it's often true (for me at least).
The thing about the book is that it uses generallizations. Most of them are true, but sometimes they are not.
I have already stated on my site that I agree with the imposter thing. I am sure there are guys who don't feel that way, but my experience says the book is right about that.
The book also comments that men hate their wives tearing them down in public, and that is about the worst thing that a woman can do to a man. I agree, but with a significant exception. Golden has made jokes before in public about me, but that doesn't bother me. I know she is joking. I am actually happy when she is able to crack jokes. If she ever seriously dogged me in public, though, I don't think that I would be happy about it.
It sounds like a good book. I would be interested in borrowing it when you are done. I think that there are good reasons for generalizations, but as dust stated not all fall into the categories.
Dash and I have talked about the things you mention in your blog to see where we fit on the scale and to see how we can improve in our relationship. That's what I like about books like this, after 11 years of marriage some of these topics don't come up anymore on their own, we get use to each other and accepting of who we are as a couple. That's good in a lot of ways, but it doesn't mean that their isn't room for consideration of how to improve, or to discus if improvement is still needed. Some things that were issues for us when we were first married, just aren't now because we've changed individually in addition to being a couple.
Sounds like my wife could use this book.
Magrelo says I can keep bashing him. I think we'd lose all communication if I stopped.
I think I could use this book. I'm always amazed at how much I don't know or what I get wrong after having heard good advice - over and over again. Does it have any advice for sometimes needing to say something (like is x going to get done?) without offending the male psyche? Sometimes like Dash says it's just plain procrastination nothing else, sometimes a girl just needs to say, hey is that going to get done and it's not a question of manhood or quality of manliness or anything.
Pretty inisightful. I tell Grace that I believe most men carry around an invisible sign saying "Please boost my ego" that they don't want other men to see. But they desperately wish their wives had x-ray vision to read it.
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