One of my pet peeves is people that don't give you the courtesy of a response when you talk to them. Here is an example: I walk over to a woman and try to be friendly by small talk and say something like, "Hey, I heard that (fill in the blank) is going on , wouldn't that be fun to do?" Her response is nothing. She just looks at me with a blank stare and walks away. This was an actual event that happened to me recently. She could have at least given me the courtesy of a smile or nod. That is all that I ask. What hurts me the most is knowing that this person is typically a talkative person. There have been several instances after this one where I only got a blank stare after talking to this person. They were all one on one conversations and not with a group of people standing around.
When I am spoken to, I try to at least give a nod or smile. I figure that is only the polite thing to do. I am shy and I can at least do that. I have a cousin who is more shy than me. He can hardly look at me when I talk to him. This cousin lives in Michigan and I don't see him very often. I think he has social anxiety disorder but I have been too afraid to ask. I think I have social anxiety disorder but have been to scared to go to the doctor and get checked out for it.
Sorry, I got sidetracked for a moment. I have another example of people not giving the courtesy of a response. I went to a small college and everyone knew everybody at least by the face. Most people would say hi to anyone walking down the sidewalk. I remember several people that would not acknowledge when someone would say hi or wave to them when walking by them. How rude is that! How hard is it to say hi? or wave or nod your head?
I guess what it boils down to is that I can't stand rude or snobby people. I probably should never live on the east coast. I had a roommate in college from New Jersey. She was extremely rude and obnoxious. She told me that in Jersey you never look people in the eye when you walk by them. She told me that I would be eaten alive up there.
16 comments:
Flip Side:
As a devil's advocate, I feel obligated to point out that some people have hearing problems. I for one have the ability to look right at you and still not hear you if I am thinking of something else. Mr. T can attest. I try not to do this, but sometimes if somethings on your mind, you can't help it. Mr. T is actually hard of hearing so he has to listen and read lips to make sure he's hearing right. Sometimes he's wrong (especially when he has an infection.)
Of course some people are just plain rude and don't have an excuse.
I have had my moments in my life where I liked to keep to myself. College was one of those times for me. I didn't like it when people spoke to me on the walk like they knew me, because they didn't. I did my best to keep my head low and not respond to keep it that way. It was just where I was at in my life at the moment. Unhealthy as it was.
...even if you have something on your mind, it is still rude to not give courtesy to the one talking to you. It says that you are not important...
It seems to me it is always the shy people, loners or whatever you call them that don't say hi back. At KU I would always say hi to complete stranger as I would walk to class. It was always the people with their heads down, hands in pocket, thinking/hoping that no one notices them - that would just ignore me and walk on by. Is it too much trouble to say hello? Would it kill you?
Yeah...T tried to be invisible in college...but she ran into this crazy-social-butterfly-chick in summer school! LOL!
Now she still can't get rid of her! ;-)
I didn't think she was invisible
;-)
From my own experience, I've found that non-verbal greetings (head nod, small wave, peace sign, thumbs up etc.) seem to get a more consitent response. This is especially the case among males and might also include the semi- verbal exchange below:
Guy 1: "hey" head nod
Guy 2: "hey" small wave
I'm always worrying I'll appear rude and probably overkill it the other direction. I was told today that it may be rude to make eye contact with men I don't know but everyone expects an hola even if you don't make eye contact. I'm going to be rude at some point I can already see it.
I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt. I always assume maybe they didn't hear me. I am talking about the repeat offenders. The people that I know do not have a hearing problem. I know there are people out there with hearing problems and try to be sensitive to that.
If someone has something on their mind usually they say sorry, I wasn't listening could you repeat that. Dust can tell you that I drift off a lot when he is talking and he knows the minute that my mind is elsewhere.
Yeah, I have a hard time keeping Golden's attention when I am talking about something interesting like the political implications of what Vice President Cheney said yester--hello, is anyone still paying attention?
Roaming, you're back on the blogs?! How was the trip?
Hey G-
I want to know more about your story. Why would they completey ignore you? Do they not like you or think they are too important?
-curious about bad behavior
Just to clarify: the person that I am talking about is not someone that would be reading my post. I would consider everyone reading this to be friendly.
A while ago, I decided that I would talk to this person about it. I chickened out at the last minute. I found out that this person has been going through a difficult time. I then decided that I shouldn't talk to her about it because it would upset her and that is the last thing that she needs right now. As of late, she has been somewhat more cordial to me. Is this issue past us, I wonder? She had admitted to me earlier that she had had problems in the past with being snobby.
She might not like me because I made fun of a hobby not realizing that she herself enjoyed this hobby. She has made comments about my petite size in a way that sounds like she is jealous.
I am going to continue to be nice to her. I really don't know what else to do.
hey G. I didn't mean to hijack your post. I don't know what's up with this person. I agree with you. Usually I do appologize if I space out on someone. I also wasn't talking about reoccuring instances with the same person. I do think that is rude behavior.
And regarding the Hi on the walk thing...if a person's non verbals are saying don't talk to me, then yeah, a Hi is probably more then they are up for at that moment. Maybe that's hard to understand if you haven't been there. People should be able to get over it, but that's not as easy for some as others. I think if someone is walking with their head down and not looking at you they are saying more then hello, they are saying I'm having a bad day and I really don't feel like talking. I don't get bothered if they don't say hi back, but again I was that person so maybe I can respect that because I can relate to it.
I think T makes a good point about the heads-down people. Sometimes, you just don't feel like being sociable.
I think there are times when it might be innapropriate to not respond to a "hi" (in sunday school, at work, when seeing a friend on the street); but if I don't get a response from a total stranger to a late night "hi" on a sidewalk - I'm not going to think much of it. If they don't feel like saying hi, they've not wounded my feelings.
I'm don't remember being instructed to "get p'd off at others when they don't do unto you as you would do unto them".
Again, I think Golden's original post - about a woman that obviously knew who she was blowing her off in what apears to have been a social or work situation is unfortunate - but's its not at all what T was talking about.
What is the point?
I don't care if you feel unsociable, if someone says hello, what is the deal? Say hi. It doesn't kill you. It is polite. Ignoring them is rude and selfish.
Dash, did I say I got pissed off? No! I was just describing an odd situation when two people alone on a street pass by within inches of each other. What are you going to do? The polite thing to do is acknowledge their presense with a friendly hello and keep walking. No one is asking you to stop and carry on a 10 minute conversation.
Sorry, I am not used to self-loathing so maybe I can't relate.
clearing,
You are right. I don't know what came over me, sorry folks. Everyone has a good point and we are all probably saying the same thing in different ways.
Wow. Maybe I shouldn't talk about my pet peeves anymore. Everyone has pet peeves and not everyone has the same ones. We all get irritated at one thing or another.
I usually don't attempt to say hi to people with their heads down. I can read their nonverbal communication loud and clear. I don't get upset about those type of people.
Everyone does have good points like Forrest said.
I am sensitive to being shunned, glared at, or rolling of the eyes, or being ignored. My feelings are hurt easily when it comes to things of that nature.
I "over-read" non-verbal clues sometimes to my own detriment. I have an anxiety disorder that was more about place than people. But still I would feel like a spotlight was on my every move. My brother still does not like crowds because he says he can "hear everyone's thoughts" and he can't breathe. Maybe there is such a thing as a social empath! There were only about 5 times out of 200 missionary services where I had a total trainwreck behind the microphone. I usually told the people I had a trainwreck and just laughed and they laughed with me. If they didn't I knew I was moving on in a couple of hours anyway. Also, instead of saying Hi to people - I have opted for the cool motorcycle wave, where you put your arm 45 degrees out from your body and just point to the ground. You have to look the person in the eye and squint a little bit - giving the little signal that we too are one of the coolest people on the sidewalk. Also works well with fellow joggers. Hi Clearing!
WOW! I guess I have been too busy saying "HI" to everyone at church tonight...that I missed alot here...LOL! =D
The worst is trying to read the nonverbals and pay attention to the words being said on "first dates". Sometimes these guys seem intelligent in emails...but so not smart in person...aaugh!!
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