obligation versus love

I want to share something that struck a chord with me while reading, "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." The basis of the book is about the sisters Mary and Martha in the Bible. The particular chapter was about service. "Service without spirituality is exhausting and hopeless. But in the same respect, spirituality without service is barren and selfish. Martha was doing a good thing in regards to the kitchen work she was doing for Jesus, but she missed out on the spiritual side. The "better part" was not taken from Mary as she sat at Jesus' feet. I kinda feel like maybe I have been selfish for awhile in regards to ministry/service. I don't have a specific ministry that I am doing at the church right now. I have given meals to some moms and babysitted but that's about it since NJ has been around.

The book quotes the book, "Love Adds a Little Chocolate" by Linda Andersen. "Duty can pack an adequate sack lunch, but love may decide to enclose a little love note inside...Obligation sends the children to bed on time, but love tucks the covers in around their necks and passes out kisses and hugs....Duty gets offended quickly if it isn't appreciated, but love learns to laugh a lot and to work for the sheer joy of doing it. I received an attitude check from God. I have had a bad attitude about serving my family in regards to all the housework that I do. I need to serve my family with love and do things just because I love my family.

thoughts on starting a new decade

Tomorrow is my first day as a thirty-something. Actually just thirty without the something. It was a huge deal to me when I turned 20. I was leaving my identity as a "teenager" and I felt really old. Dust and I were dating at the time. It was raining that night and I thought it would be fun to run around the college campus in the rain. Dust humored me, but I know he didn't really want to get wet.

Really, turning 30 isn't a big deal to me. I am kinda looking forward to it. I want to embrace it. I got my hair cut a little over a week ago. It is just a bob, but it is cut at an angle with the back a little shorter than the sides. I felt like I looked too young with longer hair. I feel like I have a little more self esteem. I have more confidence.

Starting a new decade in life kinda feels like New Year's Day. I feel like I have a fresh start. I can make new goals and change whatever I want to change. I have the typical resolutions that most people have on New Years Day: eat healther and exercise. But this time, I have more realistic changes. With Dust's eating/health issues, we definitely need to change things as a family.

My twenties gave me a husband and a child. I will look back at my twenties with fondness. I wonder what my thirties has in store for me? I don't want to rush them. I am going to take one day at a time.

visit from family

I am looking forward to this weekend. My parents and brother are coming up to celebrate my birthday. I love having my family stay with us. My father is really handy around the house (he is an electrician) and he usually takes care of a few projects. He is going to try to put an outlet in the bathroom. When we took down our old bathroom light, we lost the only outlet in the bathroom. Hopefully, we will also get to put up a chandelier in the kitchen.

I want to take my family to the Legends shopping area. There is a restaurant called Saddle Ranch Chop House. My family LOVES steak places and they have a bit of country in them. I have never been to the restaurant..so I hope we are not dissappointed. Maybe Dave & Buster's would be a better choice? I know since it is my birthday that I should pick the restaurant....but I usually choose something that I think everyone will enjoy.

Happy Valentine's Day!

So far this has been a good day. Dust had a card, balloon, and 3 roses for me this morning. We celebrated Valentine's Day last Friday. We ate out at The Cheesecake Factory near 119th St. It was a good meal and I enjoyed the atmosphere. And I enjoyed the fact that I got to complete a meal sitting at a table and not rushing through it. We saw the movie 27 dresses also. Thanks to Dust for letting me see a chick flick. I was impressed with the movie-good storyline, funny, and happy ending.

I went to MOPS this morning. Rhonda, from our church, who is a personal trainer, spoke to us about healthy choices and fitness. I learned some things and I am motivated to start eating better and to start exercising.

I plan on picking up one of Papa Murphy's heart shaped pizzas for our dinner. (is that a healthy choice?) oh, well. Dust has a class tonight, so we need to have a quick dinner before he leaves. I hope everyone has a great Valentine's Day!

not a finisher

It's hard to admit my weaknesses. Especially, when I thought for so long that I didn't have this weakness. I have a hard time finishing things. The things that I seem to not finish are: reading books, projects around the house, and eating everything on my plate.

The type of people that I thought were not finishers were people that dropped out of high school or college. I just knew that I was a finisher because I graduated from college. I realize now that I can be a non finisher in other areas. I start a lot of projects and I don't complete them. In the back of my mind I know that the projects are there and I rationalize that I will get to them someday. I have accepted now that I just won't get back to reading the several books that I have started. I keep meaning to put up some curtains in NJ's room and the living room, but I probably won't get around to it for some time. I mean we have been in our house for over 4 years now. How embarrassing!

spy

I know I have mentioned before about spying on my neighbors. And that I am already the nosy old woman that is always looking out the window. : ) I have started noticing the lady that lives caddy-corner behind us. On Monday, NJ and I played outside in the backyard because it was close to 60 degrees out there. I noticed the lady watching us play and I smiled at her and she smiled back. She was very obvious about staring at us and it made me feel a little weird. She was leaning against the door frame with the door open.

The last two days I have looked out our back door and have noticed the lady standing with the door open again. It has snowed and has been very cold. It doesn't make any sense to me to stand with the door open. She has a long red housecoat on which I think would be cold too. Has she done this wondering if we were going to come outside and play? Or is this something she always does around 10 in the morning?

Sometimes I wonder if I should have been a spy. Maybe I am too obvious at spying and would never have been a good undercover agent. I think it would be cool to be on a stake-out. Some may think it would be a little boring. I am a boring person though. I think I will stick to watching my FBI tv shows and movies.

at least we have a pot to pee in

Dust has been working on the bathroom for almost two weeks now. Our house has been in disarray. We have been brushing our teeth at the kitchen sink. That is where our toothbrushes and toothpaste live now. Dust shaves in the shower. So his shave gel, mirror, and razor have been on the tub. We had emptied the medicine cabinet and vanity drawers into a box that had been in the office. We would dig through the box to find the item we needed. Last Saturday, Dust hung our new cabinet on the wall. So, it was nice to organize our stuff into that. Our upstairs toilet has been sitting in the area above the stairs by the door to the garage. I am thankful though, that we have a 2nd toilet in the basement. It has been cold to go down in the basement to use it. Sitting on the cold toilet seat is sure to wake you up though!

I really don't want to complain. I know that soon enough we are going to have a nice bathroom to use upstairs. I don't like the inbetween stages though. I have had some interesting living conditions in my life. I lived in a farmhouse in elementary school. My brother and I shared a room for awhile and a closet. In sixth grade, we made the upstairs attic room my bedroom. It was too cold to sleep in during the winter, so I slept on the living room couch. We had a wood stove for heat. In the summer, we spent most of the time in my parents bedroom because that is where the only air conditioner for the house was. I feel really blessed for the house that we have now. I feel ashamed for not being content with it sometimes.

rough week

We all have colds in our family. It has hit us all hard. NJ had a fever for about 3 days. My body has ached and I have no energy. NJ has been extremely clingy and wants me to carry him around the house all day. So, I haven't been getting the rest that I need. Poor Dust is going to work with his cold. We have plans to re-do our bathroom this weekend. I am going to tell Dust to rest as much as he can.

Last weekend, Dust painted our bathroom a medium brown color. He put up a new light fixture and mirror. This weekend, we need to put the new sink/vanity in and put down tile flooring. I had debated on whether to get a pedestal sink and decided against it. I want a cohesive look in the bathroom and had a hard time picking out individual items that matched together. Our mirror, vanity and cabinet unit that goes over the toilet matches. It is a cherry wood, which I usually don't like. I am using three different shades of brown in the bathroom. I hope the finished product looks put together.

a lesson in sharing

Yesterday, I babysitted two little girls. They came over to my house while their mother went to a doctor's appt. The girls were 2 and 3 1/2 years old. The girls made themselves right at home and started playing with NJ's barnyard playset. That didn't set well with NJ. He started crying the minute that they were there. I hugged one of the girls to comfort her from her mother leaving and NJ looked at me with eyes of betrayal. He cried when one girl sat in his blue Thomas the Train chair. The youngest girl picked up his beloved horse stuffed animal and NJ yelled, "Neigh, Neigh." (The horse's name is Neigh)

NJ was pretty upset the entire time that the girls were here. I had to comfort NJ most of the time so I wasn't as available for the girls. I kept an eye on them the entire time though. The girls sat very well at the table and had a snack and played with some toys. They were both content to find a toy for awhile and play with it. They were very low maintenance.

I think the whole experience was a good lesson in sharing for NJ. He needs to realize that there are other kids besides himself and it is ok if they touch his toys. I know this will be an ongoing lesson especially if he has a sibling someday.

dig deeper

Dig deeper. This is my motto for 2008. Let me explain. I was reading an article in MomSense magazine titled Stuck Places. It is about feeling stuck in your life when you have little control over the circumstances. Winter weather and sick children can make you feel stuck at home. There was a story about a woman that went to a retreat center to get "filled up". The woman told the nun that she felt dry and empty. The nun replied, "You know that when the well runs dry, the farmer doesn't refill it. He digs deeper."

Yesterday on the drive home from our Christmas vacation, I kept saying to myself dig deeper. NJ was extremely fussy and uncomfortable. The portable DVD player wasn't helping him any more. He had a hard time falling asleep for his nap. I tried not to get frustrated as well because I was tired also. I had to tap into my inner resources and with God's help, I didn't loose my cool.

This stage of life is only temporary. The way it is now isn't the way it will always be.

pieces of tape

"If you're using more than three pieces of tape, then you know that you're doing something wrong." Pam from The Office said the previous line to Roy regarding wrapping Christmas presents. This was the Christmas episode from last year that played last Thursday because of the writer's strike.

That line keeps going through my head every time I have been wrapping presents this last week. I am not a good present wrapper. In the past, I have used about 6 pieces of tape per present. Two pieces on each end of the box and two on the back of the box.

Dust, however, is an excellent present wrapper. I noticed years ago that he barely used any tape when wrapping gifts. I thought it was odd at the time. I guess I just didn't know the correct way to wrap a present.

precious moments

NJ and I took a walk yesterday when the ice was melting off the trees. It was one of those moments that I knew I should treasure. He was holding my hand and we were walking on the sidewalk in our neighborhood. NJ would say car when we would walk by a car in a driveway. I kept saying ice and he would repeat after me. We stepped on ice and ice fell on top of us. There will be a time when he won't want to hold my hand and talk a walk with me. I savored that special outing we had.

friends

Some of you read the last post that I deleted. I was hurt by somebody and I just needed to let it all out. I talked about the situation recently with one of the girls and I was wrong about some things. They are all not as close of friends that I had thought. One girl thought that I was with a relative at Deanna Rose because I was standing close to another lady. I don't know why I wasn't invited to Deanna Rose with them. I am going to let that go and move on.

I don't know where I fit in. I am trying to be friendly with everybody. Being social is complicated now that we have NJ. I think that I have to just get used to that. I remember the good old days when we would go out with all of you guys on the weekends. I feel alone here because we don't have any family nearby. When I needed something, T was always there. She is still there for me in spirit.

I really do enjoy going to MOPS on Thursday mornings. I love the ladies that sit at my table. I am trying to build relationships there. I am trying to focus on the positive things in life.

among the grey-haired

Sunday morning Dust, NJ, my Mom and Dad and I went to a church service of sorts in Branson, MO. It was held at the IMAX theatre in a smaller theatre. The songs/sermonette was done by a Baptist family turned pentecostal -is how they describe themselves. My parents have attended there before and mentioned that they usually only have about 20 people there. When we opened the theatre door, we saw a sea of grey-haired people. Several tour buses had unloaded. There were four seats left beside the door and we grabbed them. NJ did well for about 3o minutes. I kept him busy with a sippy cup of milk and graham crackers. The music was loud so it didn't matter if he got fussy. You were supposed to yell where your tour bus was from as they went around the auditorium. Everyone was from Oklahoma it seemed.

The logic behind going here was that we could take NJ out easily enough if he got cranky. I didn't want to send NJ to a strange church nursery. Mom and I took NJ out to run around the IMAX lobby. We walked around the gift shops also.

After church, we ate at a family type restaurant attached to the IMAX. I did feel out of place there also. Mainly grey-haired.

the winner

This weekend I determined that Dust could win any contest he entered. He won first place for his Halloween costume contest at work. And on Saturday, we won the "mocktail " contest at the elevate party.

The church provided a bunch of ingredients and let us make our own smoothies to enter into the contest. Dust was the brain behind our masterpiece. We kept it simple: ice cream, ice, blackberries, blueberries, raspberry flavoring, ginger ale, and milk. (if I remember correctly) When we taste tested it, I told Dust it was too bland. So we punched it up a little and put it in the blender again. We served it with whipped cream and a blueberry on top. Dust named it "Blue Brew" It was going to be "Dust's Blue Brew" but then the judges would know who made it.

There were four judges doing the taste testing. They spent a long time making their decision. They had a score sheet and I'm not too sure what all the categories were. I was shocked when they read our number and "Blue Brew" as the first place winner. I thought we would get beat out by the oreo and mint drink.

Dust is awesome. He was a good project manager. It kinda felt like a task on the Apprentice. I am going to enter Dust into everything now!

Chuck

Dust and I have been watching the tv show "Chuck" on Monday nights. I was hoping it would help me with my "Alias" withdrawal. It seems to be more of a comedy than a drama about the CIA. The show is about Chuck who has the government's secrets stored in his brain. He fixes computers/electronics for "The Nerd Herd" at the Buy More store. The CIA and the NSA watch him 24/7. It is a little bit cheesy, but I like it. I think the character development was done well. Our good friend Marshall from "Alias" was on "Chuck" last night. It was good to see him again. He was a bad guy this time though.

I hope this show makes it another season. It is a good Monday night show.

"you have gas"

We put in an order at Home Depot for a new water heater. Yesterday, I answered the phone call to set up the install appt. I assumed it was just going to be a call to set up a time for someone to come out. It ended up being a call with a lot of questions that I didn't know the answer to. When someone asks me questions really fast over the phone, for some reason I blurt out an answer back whether it's correct or not. The lady asked, "Do you have gas, blah, blah, electric." I answered electric. The lady on the phone had me go down to the breaker box and get some sort of info from it. I told her that I didn't see the breaker that had the water heater label by the side of it. I then said maybe we didn't have electric. She asked me, "Are there pipes coming from the top of the water heater. Yes. "You have gas," the lady said.

I felt like such an idiot. She then had to change the info. on her computer which took some time. She apologized for the delay. I told her it was my fault for telling you we had electric in the first place. I know absolutely nothing when it comes to basic household knowledge. I am from the traditional mindset of the 1950's that that's the man's job and I don't need to know it. I definitely need to come into the present century. I need to care about whether or not our water heater runs on gas. Or that we have copper plumbing. Dust is going to go over some basic crap with me sometime. I hope that I care enough to retain the info. I don't want to look like an idiot anymore.

nature center

Last Saturday, Dust, NJ and I went to the Ernie Miller Nature Center in Olathe. I am always looking for a new place to take NJ for a walk. It was small but nice. I was used to the Springfield, MO Nature Center which is quite large.

The one thing that was interesting was that there was a birthday party going on. That was a new concept for me---birthday parties at a nature center. There were people dressed up along the pathway in costumes portraying nursery rhymes/stories. When we passed Johnny Appleseed, I thought he looked familiar. And I was right. We ran into his wife coming out of the nature center. We will have to tease him about being Johnny Appleseed.

Is a birthday party at a nature center a geeky thing to do? Maybe for a pre-schooler it would be cool. Who knows, NJ might have one there some day.

frugal

I have been analyzing my purchasing behavior. I realized that I am kinda wishy washy when it comes to spending. Sometimes I am very frugal and other times I make excessive purchases. I make the stupidest mistakes financially sometimes and sometimes I am extremely cheap.

We got professional photos taken at Target for the holidays. I was talked into buying the Christmas cards-(4x7). I probably should have taken a picture at home and gone through Wal-Mart.com for the Christmas cards. Wal-Mart is around 12 cents a picture, i think. Oh, well.

NJ has some clothes that are too small for him. I had him wear these around the house. Maybe I am being too cheap and should go out and get him some more shirts/pants at Target. I tend to make bad decisions on clothing for myself. I have clothes that don't look right on me but I didn't try to return them to the store either. I usually end up realizing that the clothes aren't right for me after I have washed and worn them.

Dust has mentioned that my philosophy on grocery shopping is buying only what I need for the week. (Just in Time inventory) It is probably just me being cheap. I used to only put $5 of gas in my car at a time. Is that being cheap? Since I've been married to Dust, I always fill my tank to full. Mostly for the convenience. I was able to get by with only putting $5 at a time in my car during college because Dust drove me around.

I wish I could find a balance. I don't want to be too cheap but I don't want to make foolish excessive purchases either.

fam time

Miss Carisma visited us this past weekend. We were able to squeeze some fam time in around Dust's studying. Dust took Monday and Tuesday off work to study and have fun with little sis.

Yesterday, we went to the Overland Park Arborteum/Botanical gardens. The landscaping was excellent! I liked the mini-waterfall and the streams that bordered the paved walkway. We did go on some walking trails. NJ had a bumpy ride in his stroller when we got off the asphalt and went into the woods. He was sleeping so maybe the ride kept him asleep. It was nice to get some sun and exercise.

Miss Carisma and I rented a movie on Monday while Dust was studying. The movie was called, "Mozart and the Whale." It was a romantic comedy about two people with Asperger's syndrome. I liked it.