hello out there

Hi all!  I have been thinking a lot about the blogs these last few days because our dear friend Forrest passed away.  I looked up some old conversations between everybody.  I loved it when we all posted stories and never used our real names.  One of my favorite times on the blogs was when Forrest would talk in his alter ego.  My alter ego was/is sunset.  Fun times.  RIP Forrest.

prayer please

I am asking for prayer from my closest of friends and family. Pray for peace from anxiety for Nathan. Nathan has been screaming, crying, and refusing to use the toilet. This has been going on for about a week or so since Nathan has started preschool. He hasn't had any accidents at preschool. I have asked him nicely and bribed him with candy but he refuses to pee in the potty. He is holding it in and wetting himself. Maybe this is the one thing that he thinks he can control. Maybe he feels out of control in his life. There are new kids in his class but he is in the same preschool room with the same teachers. He has a new speech pathologist and para working with him now. I am at my wits end. I have been crying all day. Nathan refused to change out of his pajamas and put his clothes on. He sat in time out for about 40 minutes. It seems like he is always in time out. I have been spanking him as well. Maybe he doesn't like the spankings. I am also at my wits end with Chloe as well with potty training. Accidents all the time. We are using pull-ups though. Nathan doesn't care if he pees in his pants. He will sit in it and not tell me and he doesn't want to change out of his pee clothes. I don't think my nerves can take much more of this. I am considering going to talk to a doctor or counselor. Maybe I need anxiety medicine or depression medicine. I really don't like the idea of being on a drug. All of your prayers are needed and welcomed.

this summer

This summer has gone by rather quickly. It has been one of the most social summers that I have had in about 5 years. I love that our church has a coffee playground group every Tuesday morning. The kids love the bounce house and having lunch in the coffee shop. I have noticed that Nathan has been more social with the kids at church. He is actively wanting to play with them. I think this makes him more comfortable for Sunday School and Rainbows because he sees the same kids.

We have spent a lot of time at the pool. I enjoyed our Sunday evening swim in July because there was no evening service. The kids loved playing with some of the other kids from church at the pool. Good times.

Last week we went to someone's house for a playdate. Chloe just loved playing with the 3 year old girl. I have been meeting another family for a playdate on Wednesdays this summer. Even though their kids are older; my kids still enjoyed some social play time.

We had our struggles as well. I don't want to dwell on them. Potty training has had it's ups and downs. Chloe is still working on it. Nathan has had some anxiety and other problems that we are working through. I praise God that He will give me the strength to persevere. : )

remember me

Ok. So I was supposed to do better at posting to my blog this year. My New Year's resolution didn't turn out so well. I guess I'll try again and see how I do.

Things have been stressful; so I usually don't post here or at facebook much when I'm depressed. I think that things are turning around. I think the winter weather with little sun doesn't help when your already down. We also don't get much exercise either during the winter months.

Nathan has made so many improvements lately. I'm excited to see God to continue to heal his mind and body.

I'm optimistic about the future. I hope this summer goes well with Nathan playing tee ball. Chloe is getting to be such a big girl. Looking forward to warm weather!

msg

I went grocery shopping with a friend recently. She showed me what items typically have msg in them. I didn't even know what msg stood for. Monosodium glutamate. Apparently, msg can trigger migraines. I plan on cutting back or eliminating chips with flavoring like ranch or bbq. There is msg in ramen noodles which I usually eat about once a week. I'm hoping that changing our diets a bit will help Nathan's issues. Both he and I have problems with attention span. I'm also considering buying some organic foods. Chloe drinks organic milk. I'm going to try to limit red and yellow dyes. I can't believe that there is red dye in Flinstone vitamins.

I never thought I would ever go the organic and healthy route in eating. I know that something needs to change with our family. I'm hoping that changing our diet will help us feel better, less cranky, less whiney, less tired.

I'm back!!

For New Year's I thought I would try to post more on the blog site. A friend of mine told me that she uses hers as a journal. I think I'm going to try to do that too. I use to agonize over every word that I used and would re-write paragraphs. I really don't have time to do that anymore. Starting now, I am going to use a stream of consciousness (sp?) type of writing.

This year I am going to focus on the positive instead of the negative aspects in life. I often stress about things not being perfect. I am going to accept the imperfection to help my nerves.

I hope this year is more stable than the ups and downs of the previous year. The up of last year was going to Maui. The down was Nathan's diagnosis of autism. I will probably talk more freely about autism on the blog because I don't feel like I can talk freely about it in other avenues of my life. Happy New Year to you all!!

Contentment

I am currently in a state of contentment. I really haven't been in the last couple of years. The thing that has changed is my attitude. It started by reading the book, "The Organic God" by Margaret Feinberg. The book explains the author's journey to find the true God using only the Bible. No commentaries, hearsay, other filters. When Margaret was telling about different things God was convicting her of;I felt God convicting me of the same things. Especially when Margaret was complaining to God about not having the "right" friends. I am enjoying the friendships that I have for what they are. I have a friend that wants to meet me at the pool this summer with our kids and that was one desire that I had wanted for a couple of years.

This book has also stirred a passion for God in me that has not been there in awhile. I started going to the Community Bible Study that meets at our church. It has helped me with being disciplined in reading the Bible. I am excited about what God has for me in the next few weeks and months.

week 31

I have 7 more weeks until the baby is full term. I am hoping that she is born mid-November rather than late November. My belly is so huge that I am starting to look like a freak show. My belly sticks out way too far. Everyone thinks that I am due any time and they are shocked when I tell them that I have about two months to go. I will have to post a pic when I am able.

Think of me. I am miserable. I am having trouble sleeping at night. I am so ready to have this baby.

baby girl

Last Tuesday I had a second sonogram. The doctor found a problem with the baby's kidneys. The valve between the kidney and the bladder either have not developed or aren't working properly. So, her urine is coming back up from the bladder into her kidneys making them enlarged. The doctor assured me that this is common and to not worry about it. There is nothing that they can do right now. When our baby girl is 6 weeks old, the dr. will probably do an ultrasound on her kidneys to see how they are doing. Please keep our baby girl in your prayers!

organizing

I used to think that I was good at organizing things in the house and office. For the last year or so I have realized that isn't the case. I think when you have a child there is definitely a lot more clutter. You have to be in a constant state of transition of baby stuff to toddler stuff.

Dust has mentioned that we are in the process of moving our office to the basement. We have gotten rid of some stuff. I am proud of Dust for throwing away two drawers of computer stuff. We have bought some new organizing containers for the desk. We have been analyzing ways to consolidate. This process has been good. I feel like we will be more functional as a household. We used to have piles and piles of stuff in the office. I want to make sure that there will be no more piles!

beat the heat

NJ and I wanted to go to the pool today, but when we got there at 10 am it was closed. I guess the baby pool at Marty Pool isn't open anymore at 10 am?? We sat in the parking lot for a little while just to make sure we weren't too early. I guess I should have looked up the hours on the website. I didn't want to come back at noon. It is supposed to get to 100 degrees today.

We were in a pool mood, so I told NJ we would put up the baby pool in our backyard. I filled up the pool and put his slide down in it. He had a great time! There is a hole in the waterhose so when I turned on the water, the water shot out of the hose like a sprinkler. I let the water run so NJ and I could run through "the sprinkler".

We had a picnic lunch outside. NJ has a little picnic table with umbrella that I put up. He enjoyed eating at his table outside. I sat on our picnic table beside him. It was already pretty humid by then and about 94 degrees, so NJ and I went inside. He wasn't happy with that. He can stand the heat better than I can!

another week off

Dust is taking next week off from work because his parents will be staying with us. Dust will turn 29 for the first time this Sunday. : ) Happy Birthday Dust! It will be nice to have him around.

I have been cleaning the house in preparation for Dust's parents visit. Cleaning is much more tolerable when I am listening to my i-pod. Hopefully NJ's nap will last long enough today and tomorrow so I can get stuff done. Better get back to work.

it's a surprise

Dust and I have officially decided on a name for our baby girl. But, we are keeping it a surprise! Sorry to dissapoint anyone. I know we told everyone NJ's name, but I want to build up some anticipation. It seems like there are quite a few people at our church that keeps the baby's name a secret until it is born.

I do enjoy going through the book of baby names. I was surprised at some of the meanings of names. There were some meanings that turned me off from the name entirely. Take Emily, for example, it means flatterer. Being a flatterer isn't a positive thing as far as I'm concerned.

Stay tuned until November when the name will be revealed at the baby's birth. : )

It's a girl!!

Most of you know already that we are having a baby girl! I e-mailed most everybody yesterday when we found out. I am so excited! I feel really blessed to have one boy and one girl now.

There are so many cute baby girl clothes now. I have been looking at girl nursery room colors for crib bedding. Now we can focus on girl names now.

Today is Nathan's 2nd birthday! My little man had a Diego birthday party for lunch. His Aunt Carissa has been here to help celebrate. He was spoiled in the present department. He is taking his nap now and later we will probably go to the pool.

Happy Birthday Nathan!

the pool

Today was NJ's first experience at a public pool. He had a blast! We went to the Marty pool which has a "kiddie pool" for 7 yr. old's and under. It was really neat. NJ liked the fish slide. I was surprised that the slide didn't land you into any water. There was some poles in the middle that had water that shot out of it. What did surprise me was how brave NJ was. He wanted to go into the deeper water.

Some other MOPS moms and kids showed up and we ate our sack lunch at the picnic tables. After lunch, the big pool opened. I decided to go check it out for a little bit. I loved the fact that the pool sloped off from the sidewalk area. It was real easy to walk around in the shallow area. There wasn't a defined ledge. The 3 ft. and under was roped off. NJ loved the big pool! He kept laughing at the other kids swimming under the water. Some had goggles on and swim gear. He really wanted to go in the deeper water but I kept him back where it wasn't over his head. The pool was such a hit with NJ that we are definitely going back. I might consider getting a pool pass. Other moms loved watching how excited NJ was!

Grams and Gramps' house

We spent the weekend with my parents to celebrate Father's Day. We didn't do a whole lot. The purpose was to let my parents watch NJ play and to play with him. We grilled some steaks and made homemade ice cream. We played in their backyard.

NJ likes all the toys at Grams and Gramps' house. He especially likes the Sesame Street house with furniture and characters. NJ said Bert and Ernie's name this time. My brother and I played with the Sesame Street house when we were little. So, I have a lot of fond memories. The new toy NJ got to play with this time was a "popcorn popper" mower type push toy. My parents got it at a yard sale. I am just glad that we don't have one of those at home. : )

this weekend

Today NJ and I went with the MOPS group to Deanna Rose. We had a nice time. NJ loved the playground and the John Deere tractors that you can ride on. The weather wasn't too hot because of the storms we had last night.

Tomorrow, we are going to have a yard sale. It is our neighborhood sale so hopefully there will be a lot of traffic going by. A few years ago I had a yard sale that only made $20. I didn't have any "big ticket" items like furniture. This time I do have some furniture--kitchen table & chairs, coffee table, and bar stools. Hopefully, I can make more money this time.

vacation time!

I am so excited about our trip to Omaha, NE this weekend. I am calling it our vacation even if it's only for 3 days. We desparately need this relaxation time. Dust needs it more than I do. I don't mean any disrespect with this statement---we will not be visiting family members on this trip! This is a trip just for us where we can spoil ourselves and do whatever we want!! Don't get me wrong, I love seeing family. Everyone just needs a break once in awhile.

I am sure Dust will be giving you the play by play while we are gone. He is bringing his laptop and will probably be posting from our hotel room. Pray that NJ will sleep well in our hotel room. He hasn't done so well in the past. He prefers his crib to the pack-n-play.

almost 19 years later

In a section of our bookcase is a collection of books that I had as a child. My parents bought me the "Little House" books that came in their own cardboard case. For some reason NJ has taken a liking to the collection of books. He pulls out each individual book from the case and then puts them back in. When I picked up the "Little House on the Prairie" storybook, I noticed that there was a bookmark inside it. The bookmark was an admission ticket to the Laura Ingalls Wilder home and museum in Mansfield, MO dated July 22, 1989. I got the books at the museum.

I was a little disappointed in myself to realize that I had never finished reading all the books in the Little House series. I only got halfway through the second book. At that moment, I decided that I would finish reading the books right where I left off. Dust thought it was funny that I didn't just start from the beginning of the book again. I kinda skimmed the first half. It is just Laura talking about Pa building the house. I started on the chapter where the family all had fevers. I am really looking forward to the last books about the romance between Laura and Almanzo.

When NJ is playing downstairs, I have been pulling out the Little House book and reading it while he plays. Maybe 19 years from now I will finish the books that I recently stopped reading. This gives me hope that I really can finish books. I am not just fooling myself when I think that I will eventually finish "so and so" book.

Kangaroo Climber

We bought NJ a slide a couple of weeks ago. It has a door in the back that he can open and close. There aren't any steps to the slide. It has a platform that he is supposed to climb or push himself up on. There is a circle cutout on the side that he can climb through to go down the slide. He loves doing that!

Sometimes we start our day going down the slide. He is able to see the slide through the window on the french door. So, if he sees it, he wants to go outside or else!

I have actually enjoyed his love of the slide. I usually sit with my feet up at our patio table. We have had some nice weather, between all the rain, and I have soaked it in. The slide is the perfect entertainment for NJ as my pregnant belly gets bigger. I will enjoy sitting outside watching NJ. I am looking forward to the rest of the spring and summer.